Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize