Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
