I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize