I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize