Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
two words...techno handjob
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
