At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
