Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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