I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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