Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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