I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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