my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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