my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
