She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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