guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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