the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
