I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
