The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Farmville is her only friend.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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