jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
