I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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