Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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