Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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