I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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