I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
