They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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