so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i think my cat just said my name.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
