The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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