There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
