Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
