is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You ruined the universe
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
