Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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