i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You took a bar mat shot.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
