Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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