Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
