I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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