Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
