So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
