I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
