I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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