And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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