I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
