Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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