Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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