I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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