i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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