Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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