is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
