he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
