Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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