i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
