Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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