so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
