I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
