he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
