if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dear god my vagina.
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