he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
