I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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