I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
