she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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