This is not my ceiling
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
