If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You were trust falling into bushes
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
