I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
