Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
