I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
