I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
