He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
