I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
