if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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