best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
