They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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