Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
