i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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