Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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