Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
