Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
