she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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