I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she looked like the before picture.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
