Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
