I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
