This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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