My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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