I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
