You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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