Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i dont even know how to be here
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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