Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
