i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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