If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
