I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
