Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
