There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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