it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize