we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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