p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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