I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
