I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
