Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
