so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
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